DOCTORS JOKES AND CHUTKULE

Patient to Psychiatrist, "What is the difference between dream and reality?"
Patient: The same between a girlfriend and a wife!

Doctor to patient, "Your case will enrich medical sciences".
Patient: Oh dear! And I thought I'll just have to pay Rs. 10000!

Patient: How much longer do I have?
Doctor: Ten...
Patient: Ten What?
Doctor: Nine

Patient: I feel so sick I wish I could die.
Doctor: Don't worry. I'll take care of that!

Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal!

The doctor said to patient, "I want you take your clothes off and stick your tongue out of the window."
"What will that do?"
"Not much. But I hate my neighbour!"

The doctor put a stethoscope to the patient's chest. The patient said, "Doctor how do I stand?"
The doctor replied, "That's what puzzles me"!

Doctors after operation and students after exam both tell the same answer;
.
.
.
We tried our best;
Can't say anything right now!

Patient: Doctor, what's good for excessive wind?
Doctor: A kite.

My dentist makes the best false teeth. They're so lifelike, they even ache!

A man to doctor, "Is there any medicine for long life?"
Doctor: Get married.
Man: Will it help ?
Doctor: No, but it will avoid such thoughts.

Patient: I have spent 80 per cent of my life savings on doctors.
Doctor: Why didn't you come to me earlier?

Doctor: So you swallowed a clock two months ago, why didn't you come to me sooner?
Patient: I didn't want to alarm you.

Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!

Doctor: Madam, your cheque came back.
Woman: So did my arthritis!

Doctor: You'll live to be 70.
Patient: I am 70.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you?

Patient: Doctor, I'm having trouble with my breathing.
Doctor: I'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that.

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I'can't stop stealing things.
Doctor: Take these pills for a week and if they don't work, get me a 42-inch flat screen TV!

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to Twitter.
Patient: Sorry, I don't follow you.

Some doctors charge so much, they should be called Feesycians!

Why is it that you wait 6 weeks for a doctor's appointment and then he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner"?

Why are dentists always broke?
Because they live from hand to mouth!

Doctor: I think this patient is dying. What blood type is he?
Nurse: B positive.
Doctor: Okay. I don't think this patient is dying!

Doctor to patient: You are very sick.
Patient: Can I get a second opinion?
Doctor: Yes, you are very ugly too!

Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry it will take just five minutes.
Patient: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's 1500.
Patient: What?! 1500 for just a few minutes work?
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like!

An apple a day... is almost a thousand rupees a month.
Visiting a doctor is
.
.
.
.
.
a lot cheaper.
Sp be practical!

A doctor calls up the Radio station:
Hi, I'd like you to play the song 'Tu Hai Ki Nahi' from the movie 'Roy'.
RJ: Nice choice, To whom would you like to dedicate this beautiful song? Doctor: To my patient on ventilator!