HUSBAND VS WIFE JOKES AND CHUTKULE

Advocate :- talak karane ke liye rs- 3000. husband :- pagal ho kya? pandit ji ne rs -101.mei hi shadi karvai thi. advocate :- dekh liya sasta ka nateeja.

A prospective husband in a book store do you have a book called "husbands the masters of wife". sales girl: sir comic department is on 1st floor.

A psychological report: when 2 indian couples come face 2 face wives ' look at each other's sarees & husbands ' look at each other's wife..

Wife :ghar nahi aa sakti.. car ka stearing, gear, break, sab chori ho gaya hai..” . . after 1hour, she calls back:aa rahi hu, galti sepichli seat pe baith gayi thi..

Pati-aaj khana tumhari maa ne banaya hai kya. patni-haa,par tumhe kaise pata chala. pati-roz khane me kale baal milte the, aaj safed mile hai.

Wife : aik baat kahun??:p . husband : haan kaho, . wife: maaroge to nahi???:p . husband: arey janu nahi maaronga batao kya baat hai,:) . . wife: mein maa banne wali hun..:p . husband: hurray ..... yeh to gud news hai, dar kyun rahi thi???:d . . wife: collage k dino mein papa ko bataya tha bari maar pari thi :p

Husband darling mujhe nind nahi aa rahi, thora se* ho jae? wife- madarchod, meri chut me kya nind ki goliya bhari hui h.

Patni husband se pata hai, pass wale gupta ji ki ladi ko, maths me 99 marks mile hai. husband-wah lekin 1 number kaha gaya. patni-wo aapka beta laya hai.

Patni-kitna pyar karte ho mujhe? pati-shahjahan jitna. patni-mere marne k baad tajmahal banaoge? pati-main to plot bhi le chuka hu der to tu kar rahi ha.....

4 kutte samundar kinare 1 kutti ko ch*d rahe the, 1 new married unhe dekh k rone lagi. husband ne pucha kya hua tujhe, married girl boli: kuch nahi re college k din yaad aa gaye i

Wife ko begum kyon kehte hai? ans: kyonki shadi ke baad sare gum to husband se hisse mein aate hai, aur biwi be-gum ho jai hai!!

Wife: why do you wear your specs only when i come in. husband: the doctor has ordered me to wear my specs whenever i get an headache.

Shaadi ki pehli raat husband apni biwi ki choot ke andar aik ungli dalta hai. biwi sharmatay hoe: aik ungli aur dalo na. husband: kyun tu ne seeti bajani hai.

Husband: jee karta hai ki t
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Umhari zulfon mein kho jaaon, tumhare aankhon mein bas jaaon, tumhari bahon mein jhool jaon. wife: neeche kya mohalle wale ghusengey?

Cute luv quote by a husband: “even my child has started to walk without any support.., but my wife still holds my hand while walking”…

A wife's biggest ever lie to her husband: "tell me the truth... i will forgive you..."

Pati - tum hamesha mera - mera karti ho, mera beta mera ghar meri car tumhe hamara kehna chahiye.. ab almari me kya dhoond rahi ho..? . . . . . . . wife - hamara petticoat...

Wife: where r u? husband: i'm at "bank". wife: wow thats good. i need 23,000 for new cell phone. 10,000 for new dress. 6,000 for new shoes. 4000 for new purse, 8000 for my new cosmetics. husband: sorry, i mean, i am at blood bank. "khoon piyegi khoon...... ?"

Positive attitude is when a man arrives home late at night, fully drunk and finds his wife waiting with a jhaadu in hand... and.. the man says: "wah darling, abhi tak kaam kar rahi ho...!!!

Wife: jee aaj raat ko kya banaun??? husband : mood ??

Why do husbands need wife in his life ??? . . . . . . . . coz she will never leave you alone when you're sad.. . . . will ask u to leave your bad habits everyday,every time.. . . . will fight with you on small matters but won't keep the anger for long.. . . . will make you money-wise.. . . will say, "don't worry",even if there's lot to worry or nothing to worry.. . . . will make you punctual.. . . . will talk to you 15 times a day to know what you're doing.. . . . you might feel bugged at times but truth is that you can't do anything without her... as wifes are special gift of god to husbands, realize their worth and take care of them... !!!!

Husband wife chori ke topic par baat kar rahe the husband : jo shakhs chori karta hai wo baad me zaroor pachtata hai. wife said romanticaly : aur tumne jo shadi se pehle meri ninde churayi thi unke bare me kya khayaal hai ?? husband : keh to raha hoon jo chori karta hai wo baad mein pachtata zaroor hai...??

Biwi ne apne husband ko letter likha par full-stop nai lagaey ! jab yaad aaya to jaldi jaldi main andaje se full stop laga diye? phir letter kuch is tarah bangaya ?aap ne kai din se pyar bhara khat nahi likha meri saheli salma ko. nokri se nikal dia he hmari cow ne. bacha dia he uncle ne. cigarette peene shuru kar dia hai mene. bohat khat likhe par tum nahi aaye kabutar k bache. billi kha gai he ek khobsurat larki. meri saheli ban gai he reema. is waqt t.v pr dance kar rahi he hamari murghi. aaj kal anda nahi de rahi tumhari maa. tumhe bahut yaad karti he jama darni. naali saaf nahi karti aaj kal aap ki biwi...

Husband to wife :- today is a fine day. next day he says :- today is a fine day. again next day, he says same thing - today is a fine day....finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband :- since last one week, you are saying this 'today is a fine day'. i am fed up. what's the matter? husband :- last week when we had an argument, you said, "i will leave you one fine day." i was just trying to remind you......

Epic conversation on whatsapp chat: husband: call me shonu wife: mera shona babu.... h: arrrrre.,,,call me sweetheart w: my sweetu ... sweetheart.... h: ufffff ...... call me honey.. w: mera hannu darling .... h : o pagal aurat, call kar mujhe, balance nhi hai w: oho ... ok ok... abhi karti hu!

What is the similarity between media and wife ? jab tak ek hi baat 100 baar na bata de, dono ke dil ko sukoon hi nahi milta...

Hubby & wife hubby and wife traveling by car, not talking after a quarrel. passing farm of goats, mules & pigs. hubby asks sarcastically "relatives of urs?". wife replies "yup, in-laws".

My wife, my life .. the most supportive, sensitive, emotional, careful person to all, i am blessed with almighty.. love and respect to my lady.. thanks for my life.. stay blessed ..

Women are like fruits .... every women has her own unique taste and color .... the problem is with the men .... they seem to love "fruit salad" :

Women live a better, longer & peaceful life…!! why? very simple. a woman does not have a wife..!!!