MARRIAGE JOKES AND CHUTKULE

My wife asked me why i was doing the dishes while sitting down.
told her it's because i can't stand doing it!

What does dad do to remain married?
keeps mum!

I'm a perfectionist when it comes to making my wife angry!

Few more days to valentine's day:
wives have become more polite than customer care!

While pressing her husband's forehead, the wife gently asked, "shaadi ke pehle tumhare sar kaun dabata tha?"
husband gave a simple heart-touching answer, "shaadi se pehle kabhi sar dard tha hi nahi!"

Whoever said "your harshest critic is yourself" obviously wasn't married!

My wife is very simple and has only two permanent problems:

1. nothing to wear
2. no place to keep all her clothes

Few more days to valentine's day:
wives have become more polite than customer care!

Woman 1: you said you wouldn't marry anyone. men are animals. still, you agreed to marry a guy!
woman 2: it is not a bad idea to pet an animal!

Wife: ugh i gained 3 lbs during vacation. what about you?
me (looking at scale showing i actually lost a pound): i gained 4!

For our anniversary dinner, my wife gave me the freedom to choose whichever restaurant she wants me to choose!

Carpets are dangerous. my wife tripped over it and i ended up sleeping on the sofa.
okay, i laughed when she fell, but still!

First-year of marriage: i can't even imagine living without you.
the tenth year of marriage: maybe you should buy a new house and move out!

During an argument with her husband, a wife was just about to calm down.
but then her husband asked her to calm down!

The only animal that a lion is afraid of is his lady lioness. so if you are afraid of your lady, that means you are a lion!

Husband: i am going to the office today after lockdown. do you need anything?
wife: no, that's enough!

Husband: honey, did i tell you that you cook well?
wife: awww, no babe.
husband: so why do you keep cooking?

My husband sent me a text asking what happened to our savings account so i sent him back a picture of our kids!

The truth shall set you free. unless you're a husband. then it's better to keep your mouth shut!

I winked at my wife and told her that we should try something different in the bedroom.
so she handed me the vacuum cleaner and told me to start cleaning the bedroom!

The doctor told my wife that she cannot touch anything alcoholic for the next three months.
now i'm not allowed to go near her!

Of course, men and women can be friends without being attracted to each other.
it's called "marriage!"

Tequila is like marriage. you know that it's bad for you & may regret it later.
but you're curious and do it anyway!

I'm a grown-up and mature man and i do whatever the hell my wife wants me to do.
period!

My wife said, "you really have no sense of direction, do you?"
i said, "where did that come from?"

To be safe, i bought my wife a father's day gift!

Karwa chauth ends.
women remove all the makeup.
halloween starts!

I'm not saying my wife is ugly but...
she's just been next door to tell the neighbours to turn their tv down and they gave her some sweets!

I expect any day now to find out from my wife what my new year's resolutions will be!

Wife: we'll talk about it when i'm not angry at you.
me: when is that, next year?