NAUGHTY RESTRICTED JOKES AND CHUTKULE

You can be a doctor and save lives;
you can be a lawyer and defend lives;
you can be a soldier and protect lives;
or
remain a fucker and create lives!

The first month, the boss gave his good-looking secretary a frock as an incentive. and in the second month, he 'raised' the incentive!

Troubles are like dicks. everybody thinks they got the biggest!

Irony of life:
wife doesn't get pregnant after many attempts;
and girlfriends get pregnant even after taking precautions!

Men always say "i love you" to girls but do you know the true meaning of this?

i: i'm

l: looking
o: over your
v: vaginal
e: entry

y: you must take
o: off your
u: underwear!

Irony of life:
wife doesn't get pregnant after many attempts;
and girlfriends get pregnant even after taking precautions!

I always act like a gentleman... so i always let a woman go first. this helps me to check out her ass!

If one has sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

How can you tell a head nurse?
she's the one with the dirty knees!

Behind every great woman is her bum.

Sex is performed by:
wives for duty;
harlots for money;
virgins for curiosity;
widows for old times;
but pure pleasurable sex is possible only in adultery!

I don't have a dirty mind - i have a sexy imagination!

I am an animal lover so i always prefer to do it "doggy style"!

Save a life:
a blowjob a week can lower a man's risk of heart disease!

Whenever i see a commercial with a woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with cucumber slices on her eyes, i wonder where the rest of it is!

A girl went out with her boyfriend for the 1st time.
when she got home, her mom asked her, "how was the date?"
girl: he had a lot of fun!

Most of my problems can be solved with nudity!

Girls, if you're in an argument with a guy and there is no way to win...
start playing with your boobs!

The best thing about having a penis is...
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sharing it with people - who don't have it!

What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
a lesbian with a hard-on!

I'm not staring at your boobs, i'm staring at your heart!

A true gentleman holds a door open for his lady and then slaps her ass!

Are your legs made of nutella?
because i'd like to spread them!

Whenever i see a girl with good pair of bums passing by,
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mera dhyan buttock jaata hai!

Without nipples, boobs would be pointless!

Musings of a dirty mind:
whenever i see a commercial with a woman looking fully relaxed and happy in a tub, with 2 round slices of cucumber on her eyes... i wonder where the rest of the cucumber is!

I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap duration!

A good woman will make you a sandwich.
a great woman will blow you while you eat it!