NEWS AND POLITICS JOKES AND CHUTKULE

Punjabis can't even be made fools by anyone. Internet services suspended to let them remain smart.
#Internetservicessuspended

Punjabis are so far ahead of everything. Now they are the first to stay without internet and social media for 30 hours.
#internetsuspension

For killing humans he was not punished but for killing deer, he has got a 5-year sentence. Strange isn't it?

Without Punjabis, Whatsapp looks like a graveyard.
#Internetban

Imagine giving all your data to a Govt in form of Aadhaar which can't even ensure safety of class 10th exam paper!

Boy: Breakup hurts the most.
Girl: Kabhi Maths Ka Paper Phir Se Diya Hai?

A new company launched by Lalit Modi, Vijay Mallya and Nirav Modi:
Hindustan Leaver!

Infosys CEO is getting 16.25 Cr salary per year...
Virat Kohli is getting 17 Cr for 2 months in IPL...
Kids are now confused whether to study or go out and play!

Don't drink and drive is old,
Don't drink and bath is new!

Two idioms facing extinction:
1. As safe as a bank
2. He's a real gem!

Govt. has announced the abolition of Income Tax.
That's right you heard it correct. Jaitley explained that it will be done in 2 stages. First, he will abolish Income. Then he will abolish the tax!

Mitron!
Kal Chand Dekh Liya Na, Aaj Budget Ke Baad Din Mein Taare Dikhenge!

This year's Budget is like:
1. No tax on sports shoes for handicaps
2. Deceased persons now do not need to file Income Tax Returns from the 2nd year onwards of their death
3. Pregnant women do not need to buy half ticket for their unborn babies.
4. GST abolished on Adventure Sports for super senior citizens above 80 years of age.
5. No GST on Circus, Cinema or any kind of exhibition shows for blinds!

Lower class gets Subsidy
Upper Class gets Rebates
The middle class gets only TV debates!

Teen Baar Talaq Bolne Ka Lafda Khatam Ho Geya, Hamari Wali Toh Iss Ke Dhyare Mein Bhi Nahi Aati, Phir Bhi Iske Paon Khushi Se Zameen Pe Nahi Lag Rahe!

Waiting for Modi Ji to say "Mitron... Virat Ki Shaadi Bhi Tabhi Hui Jab Kendra Mein BJP Ki Sarkar Hai. Kya Yeh Achhe Din Nahi Hain Mitrono?"

In response Rahul Gandhi will say "Dekhiye... Kendra Mein BJP Sarkar Hai Aur Virat-Anushka Ko Italy Mein Ja Kar Shaadi Karni Padi. Kya Yahi 'MAKE IN INDIA' Hai Modi Ji Ka?"

VK and AS are now married.
Ab 'ViKAS' Hoga!

News: 3rd double hundred by Rohit Sharma in ODI.
Anushka: Papa Sahi Kehte The, Sharma Ji Ka Ladka Best Tha!

No black money recovered, no 2G scam happened, Ganga still unclean, Vadra still free.
I think I voted just to link my Aadhar to my sim card!

Mamta Banerjee to support Pranab as President:
Trinamool Congress to be renamed "U-Turnamool Congress".

Q: What is Mamta Banerjee's favourite song?
A: I hate U(PA), like I love U(PA).

Can one file an RTI application to know if Mamta Banerjee & Trinamool Congress are still a part of UPA?

Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

Pratibha Patil to leave Delhi soon for Pune - via Bali, Tahiti, Honolulu, Vancouver, Miami, St. Barts, Corfu & Dubai.

The nurse came out with ND Tiwari's DNA report and screamed: "It's a dad!"

ND Tiwari's DNA matched and the he is going to sue the condom company for the damage.

ND Tiwari's DNA result ironically comes on "Happy Free Kiss Day"! The father-son should kiss and make up!

After ND Tiwari's DNA report, eunuchs have attacked Tiwari's house, asking for money with interest of 32 years.

What's common between a Board Test and DNA test?
The person subjected to test knows the results but hate its publication in the newspapers.

ND Tiwari's defence: I am not the father but only a donor!