SANTABANTA JOKES AND CHUTKULE

Banta: How do you manage to stay cool all the time?
Santa: Because I don't get into arguments with stupid people, I just cut it short and say, 'You are right'!
Banta: That's completely irrational and wrong.
Santa: You are right!

Banta: How does Painkillers know which part of the body is in pain?
Santa: Look, they're like women, they know everything!

Santa in other countries: Ho Ho Ho...
Santa in India: Oh Ho Ho Ho... Oh Ho Ho Ho... Ishq Tera Tadpawe!

Santa in extreme pain, "How much to have a tooth pulled?"
Dentist: Rs 1200.
Santa: 1200 bucks for a few minutes job?
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like!

Banta: Which country's capital is the fastest growing?
Santa: Ireland.
Banta: How?
Santa: Every year, it's Dublin!

At Starbucks:
Santa: Coffee Kitne Ki Hai?
Attendant: Sir ₹ 200.
Santa: And Sugar?
Attendant: Sir sugar is free.
Santa: OK! Toh 5 Kilo Sugar De Do!

Pappu: Dad, I want a new tab.
Santa: Then press Ctrl+T

After his Holy Trip to Jerusalem, Santa was caught by customs for carrying liquor.
Customs: Sir, what is in the bag?
Santa: Holy water from Jerusalem.
Customs (after smelling & tasting): Don't lie sir. It's wine.
Santa: O Jesus, One more miracle!

Pappu: Dad, how do I look?
Santa: With your eyes, son!

Banta: What's the best example of "once in a lifetime opportunity?"
.
..
...
Santa: A mosquito sitting on your wife's face.

Santa to Banta, "Whenever I am a few drinks down, a part of me says, "I can't keep drinking like this!"
Banta: What's the big deal. So stop dinking.
Santa: Hold on. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to that guy. He's drunk!"

Santa: I am really feeling stupid today.
Banta: Why?
Santa: I got cornered in a round room!

Jeeto to Santa on Valentine's day, "What is 10 years with me?"
Santa: A second.
Jeeto: What is Rs 5,000 to you?
Santa: A coin.
Jeeto: OK! Give me a coin.
Santa: Wait a second!

Santa: Off late, I have been doing a lot of charity work.
Banta: That's very thoughtful. What's your particular area of philanthropy?
Santa: I volunteer my opinion just about almost anything and everything.

Santa: I nearly got hit by a woman driving a car this morning.
Banta: You seem to have had a narrow escape.
Santa: Yeah! I luckily I jumped out of the way just in time.
Banta: Which road was it?
Santa: Phew! Road? I was jogging in the park.

Banta: What's the difference between us and Camels?
Santa: They can work without drinking for 7 days
and
We can drink without working for 7 days!

A kid bought stuff worth Rs 45 from Santa's shop and gave him a 5 rupee note and put '0' (zero) behind 5 and gave it to Santa.
On top of it, he asked for the balance Rs 5.
Having been outsmarted, Santa took out a 50 rupee note and crossed '0' (zero) with a pen and gave it to the kid and said, "Now we are even"!

Santa: Candle light bubble baths are so relaxing.
Banta: Really?
Santa: Yep!
Banta: But when and where do you take it?
Santa: I don't take it. Every time my wife takes one, I get about an hour of peace and quiet.

Doctor: I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention, what's your excuse?
Santa: I was just following your orders. You told me to avoid people who irritate me.

Santa on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question.
Interviewer: Who killed Gandhiji?
Santa: Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.

Santa: I prefer not to think before I speak.
Banta: But why? It is against traditional wisdom.
Santa: I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Santa read an article to Jeeto about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
Jeeto: The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.
Santa turns to Jeeto and asked, "What?"

An Englishman asked Santa, "How far is land?"
Santa: 2 KM.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards.

Santa: My girlfriend just told me that I have a problem with being faithful.
Banta: It must be your fault only.
Santa: I find it funny. Because my wife never says that.

Santa took his wounded wife, Jeeto to a doctor.
Doctor: Can you describe as to what really happened?
Santa: Well, she got shot.
Doctor: You'll have to be more accurate.
Santa: I know, But I'm not very experienced with guns.

Banta: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
Santa: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Banta: What's Marriage?
Santa: Marriage is the 7th sense of humans that destroys all the six senses and makes the person Non-sense.

Banta: What do you call a calf after it's six months old?
Santa: Seven months old.

Santa: You will never succeed,in making that dog obey you.
Jeeto: Nonsense it's only a matter of patience, I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

Santa walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of the finest single malt scotch.
The bartender sets him up and Santa takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last shot and does the same.
The bartender asks, "Why did you do that?" And Santa replies, "Well the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick!"