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FUNNY JOKES AND CHUTKULE - DuNiYa Ke LoG BHi KiTNe AJeeB Hain SaaRe KhiLONe CHHod KaR sirf JazBaaT Se KHeLTe Hain Duniya ke log bhi kitne ajeeb hain saare khi

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अगर आपको नॉर्मल ज़ुखाम या कफ़ है तो ज़िंदा रहने के लिए न्यूज़ चैनल और सोशल मीडिय.......
बॉयफ्रेंड अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड से: तुम मेरी किस चीज़ से इम्प्रेस हो? मेरे पैसे, रहन-सहन या कुछ और?
.......
लड़की: जानू, आज मुझे इतना चोदो, इतना चोदो कि मेरी चूत के चीथड़े.......
मेरे पडोसी सूजी लेने बाहर गए थ.......
Meanwhile at girls hostel:
Shooting yourself in the foot in various programming languages :

370 jcl
- you send your foot down to mis and include a 300-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. two years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
- you shoot yourself in the head just thinking about it.
- you find the first building you're in in the phone book, then find your office number in the corporate phone book. then you have to write this down and describe, in cubits, your exact location in relation to the door (the right side thereof). then you need to write down the location of the gun (loading it is a proprietary utility), then you load it, and the cobol program, and run them, and with luck, it may be run tonight.

Ada
- if you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the united states department of defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "shoot at his feet."
- after correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. when you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.
- you scour all 156e54 pages of the manuals, looking for references to foot, leg, or toe; then you get hopelessly confused and give up. you sneak in when the boss isn't around and finally write the damn thing in c. you turn in 7,689 pages of source code to the review committee, knowing they'll never look at it, and when the program needs maintenance, you quit.

Algol
- you shoot yourself in the foot with a civil war-era musket. the musket is aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.

Algol 60
- you spend hours trying to figure out how to fire the gun because it has no provisions for input or output.

Algol 68
- you mildly deprocedure the gun, the bullet gets firmly dereferenced, and your foot is strongly coerced to void.

Apl
- you shoot yourself in the foot and then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
- you hear a gunshot and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened.
- @#&^$%&%^ foot

Apt
- you cut a perfect bullet hole in your foot and shoot through it.

Asp
- you try to shoot yourself in the foot, but the most advanced thing you can manage is to cut your wrist.

Assembly
- you try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover that you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
- you crash the os and overwrite the root disk. the system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. after a moment of contemplation, the system administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rapidly shooting at everyone in sight.
- by the time you've written the gun, you are dead, and don't have to worry about shooting your feet. alternatively, you shoot and miss, but don't notice.
- using only 7 bytes of code, you blow off your entire leg in only 2 cpu clock ticks.

Basic
- shoot self in foot with water pistol. on big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Bcpl
- you shoot yourself somewhere in the leg; you can't get any finer resolution than that.

C
- you shoot yourself in the foot.
- you shoot yourself in the foot and then nobody else can figure out what you did.

C++
- you accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "that's me, over there."

C#
- you shoot yourself in the foot, but first have to switch to unsafe mode.
- you forget precisely how to use the .net interface and shoot yourself in the foot. you sue microsoft for damages.

Cobol
- useing a colt.45 handgun, aim gun at leg.foot, then place arm.hand.finger on handgun.trigger and squeeze. then return handgun to holster. check whether shoelace needs to be retied.
- allocate $500,000 for the project. define foot, bullet, gun. run press_trigger. go for coffee break. return in time to put foot under bullet.
- you try to shoot yourself in the foot, but the gun won't fire unless it's aligned in column 8.

Css
- everyone can now shoot themselves in the foot, but all their feet come out looking identical and attached to their ears.

Dcl
$ mount/density=.45/label=bullet/message="bye" bullet::bullet$gun sys$bullet
$ set gun/load/safety=off/sight=none/hand=left/chamber=1/action=automatic/log/all/gull sys$gun_3$dua3:[000000] gun.gun
$ shoot/log/auto sys$gun sys$system:[foot] foot.foot
%dcl-w-actimage, error activating image gun
-cli-e-imgname image file $3$dua240:[gun] gun.exe;1
-imgact-f-notnative, image is not an openvms alpha axp image

Delphi
- you try to shoot yourself in the foot but discover that the bullets you already had are not compatible with the new gun version, but borland promises a fix real soon now.

Eiffel
- you create a gun object, two foot objects, and a bullet object. the gun passes both the foot objects as a reference to the bullet. the foot objects increment their hole counts and forget about the bullet. a little demon then drives a garbage truck over your feet and grabs the bullet (both of it) on the way.
- you take out a contract on your foot. the precondition is that there's a bullet in the gun; the postcondition is that there's a hole in your foot.

Forth
- foot in yourself shoot.
- first you decide to leave the number of toes lost on the stack and then implement the word foot-toes@ which takes three numbers from the stack: foot number, range, and projectile mass (in slugs) and changes the current vocabulary to blue. while testing this word you are arrested by the police for mooning (remember, this is a bottom-up language) who demonstrate the far better top-down approach to damaging yourself.
- bullet dup3 * gun load foot aim trigger pull bang emit dead if drop rot then. this takes about five bytes of memory, executes in two to ten clock cycles on any processor, and can be used to replace any existing function of the language as well as in any future words. welcome to bottom-up programming, where you too can perform compiler pre-processing instead of actually writing code.

Fortran
- you shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. if you run out of bullets or toes, you continue anyway because no excepti
On processing was anticipated.

Haskell
- on a warm saturday afternoon, sitting by the pool with a margarita, you casually sit up from your chaise lounge chair, reach over and pick up a gun, aim at your foot, and lazily pull the trigger.
- you shoot yourself in the foot very elegantly, and wonder why the whole world isn't shooting itself this way.
- you spend several hours creating a new copy of the universe which is identical to the existing one except your foot has a hole in it. you then hear that it can be done more elegantly with dyadic functile hyper-arrows, but the very act of reading some of the included sample code causes one of your metatarsals to explode.

Html
- you cut a bullethole in your foot with nothing more than a small penknife, but you realize that to make it look convincing, you need to be using dreamweaver.

Hypertalk
- put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. answer the result.
- you describe how to shoot yourself in the foot, which not only happens, but you also get cool visual effects.
- as of hypertalk 2.2, you cannot shoot yourself in the foot from within the stack; you must write this functionality into an xcmd or xfcn. however, we anticipate this functionality to be incorporated into the next major release.

Idl
- you easily shoot yourself in the foot, complete with neat little graphs showing the trajectory of the bullet and the result of the impact. after twenty hours and ten thousand lines of code, your friend proudly announces that he has accomplished the same thing in an excel spreadsheet.

Java
- you write a program to shoot yourself in the foot and put it on the internet. people all over the world shoot themselves in the foot, and everyone leaves your website hobbling and cursing.
- you amputate your foot at the ankle with a fourteen-pound hacksaw, but you can do it on any platform.

Javascript
- you find that microsoft and sun have released incompatible class libraries both implementing gun objects. you then find that although there are plenty of foot objects implemented in the past in many other languages, you cannot get access to one. but, seeing as javascript is so cool, you don't care and go around shooting anyth.......