NAUGHTY JOKES AND CHUTKULE

I always ask myself if google is a man or a woman?.
But i think: it's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.

My husband was due for an operation today and when he got there, he kept telling the doctor how scared he was.
Husband: doc, i am so scared as this is my first time under the lights!
Doctor: i know the feeling man as this is my first time standing over the lights!

Girl to friend: "for the prom, i'm renting a ferrari, spending $1000 on a new bag and shoe and visiting the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair."
Mum who has overheard the conversation: "wow, that's more than i spent for my wedding!"
Girl: "yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but a prom is a once in a lifetime experience."

Aunty kate: any student that answers my next question, can go home. one boy throws his pen outside the class.
Aunty kate: who just threw that?!
Boy: me! i’m going home now.

We had a workshop at work yesterday and i was in charge of the presentation. my boss told me to give a prep joke every 15 minutes so i kept putting my salary slip and workstation picture on the side!

Ladaki : to tum jitana pyar mujhase karte ho utana kisi ko nahin karte, kya tum mere liye jaan de sakate ho?
Ladaka : nahin darling, mera pyar amar hai.