HUSBAND VS WIFE JOKES AND CHUTKULE

Men want 3 qualities in wives: economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil in bed. but they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in bed.

A man who surrenders when he's wrong, is honest. a man who surrenders when he's not sure, is wise. a man who surrenders when he's right, is a husband

Galfriends r like chocolates, taste gud anytime. lovers r like pizzas, hot n spicy, eaten frequently. husbands r like dal rice, eaten when there`s no choice

Man receives telegram: wife dead-should be buried or cremated? man: don't take any chances. burn the body and bury the ash.

Husband: shall we try a different position tonight? wife: that's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while i sit on the sofa and fart.

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "you know, i was a fool when i married you." she replied, "yes, dear, but i was in love & didn't notice."

Wife: tumhe pyar karna nahi aata. husband: to kya ye 3 bacche internet se download kiya hain? wife: nahi ye to tumhare dost ke pen drive se liya hai.

Wife: dekhi na wo aadmi mujhe ghur ghur ke dekh raha hai. husband: arre wo to bhangar wala hai, bekar maal par nazarrakhana uski addat hai........

Husband - aaj kuch aisi bat batao jisase dil khush bhi ho jayeaur jal bhi jaye wife- tumhare sare dosto me sabase accha kiss karane kastyle tumhara hai

Husband: maine larka manga tha, ye ladki kaise huyi..??? wife : tumhare bharose rahati to yeh bhi nahi hoti.....!!!!

Wife:bus karo rat k12 baje se kar rahe ho or subai k 8 hogaye, thake nahi ? husband: abhi to kuchh nahi kia ab to din raatkarunga kyu ki.. 5000 msg free hai.

Wife: jab tum desi pite ho mujhe paro kehete ho, jab whisky piteho toh darling kehete ho. aaj kya piya hai jo chudel keh rahe ho. husband: aaj main hosh main hoon.

Why husbands avoid questions! wife: what would you do if i died? would you get married again? husband: no… wife- why not? don’t you like being married? husband: of course i do. wife: then why wouldn’t you remarry? husband: ok, ok, i’d get married again… wife: would you live in our house with your new wife…? husband: yes, it’s a great house. wife: would you let her drive my car ? husband: yes, its almost new, dear . wife: would you give her my jewelry? husband: no..i am sure she would want her own.. wife: would she wear my shoes..? husband: no, her size is ’5′ wife: –silence- husband: ‘shiiit’…!!!

Wife(aasman me tare dekhte hue) batao wo kaun si chiz he jo tum roz dekh sakte ho par la nai skte husbnd-mai nhi bataunga wife-bolo na plz husbnd- “padosan”@

Wife:”mehman aa rahe hain or ghar me daal k siva kuch nai . husband:”jab wo aaye to kitchen me 1 bartan girana, me pochu to kehna korma gir gaya.. . phir dosra bartan girana, kehna biryani gir gai.. fir me kahuga chalo daal hi le aao…:p . mehmano k aane k bad bartan girne ki awaaz aai.. . husbnd:”kya hua.. ??. wife: “maa ki aankh….. daal hi gir gai .

Very touchy story: “husband forgot to wish her on his wife’s birthday. he came home late at night from the office ….. his wife shouted: how would u feel if u dont see me for next few days? he couldnt believe his luck. he replied at once.” wowww…..that would be great..!” monday passed & he didn’t see her. tuesday he didnt see her . . & wednesday passed too . . . . . . . . . . . . . on thursday the swelling was better & he could see her from the corner of his left eye..

Husband apni wife ka janaza le k ja raha tha janaze k aage 1 kutta or peeche aadmiyon ki lambi line thi 1 aadmi aa kar puchta hai bhai ye sub kese huwa husband: is kutte ne kaat liya tha or meri wife mar gai aadmi: ye kutta 1 din k liye mujhe de do husband: tum kya samajhte ho ye sub log meri b v k janaze mein shirkat karne aaye hen ? ye sub kutta lene aaye hen peeche line mein lag jao..

Wife: main tumhare zindagi ki kitab hu.. hasband: yehi to taklief hai dairy hote to har saal change kar letaa..!

Wife: apki birthday k liye itna mehnga suit liya hy k bus..:-) husband: shukr hy tumhen mera khyal to aaya, lao dikhao. wife: abhi pehen k aaati hon…!

Wife: give me your phone for a second husband: wait let me switch it on. delete video. delete picture. delete music. delete private folder delete number. delete sms. delete out goin calls. delete incomin calls. delete mms. delete what’s app. delete bbm. delete delete delete delete delete delete… format memory card. here you go i have nothing to hide from u !!! wife: i just wanted to see the time !!!

Wife: u had lunch ? husband: (in a fun mood) u had lunch ? wife: i'm asking u. husband: i'm asking u. wife: r u copying me ? husband: r u copying me ? wife: lets go shopping. husband: i had lunch.

Wife to husband: dear, meri tabiat kharab hai. kya tum khud khana bana loge? husband: oh, mujhe laga hum aaj bahar khana khayenge.. wife: i m ok. main tho bas mazak kar rahi thi. chalo chalte hai. husband: main bhi mazak kar raha tha. chal chup chap dal roti bana :-p

Wife to husband : “you spent 6 nights creating a 45 minute power point to explain why you don’t have 5 minutes to clean out the litter box.?”

Wife: yesterday-night i saw a dream that you were sending me jewelry and clothes! husband: yeah, i saw your dad paying the bill !!!

Wife: meri tabyat thek nahi lag rahi hai husband: ohhh, par me to shoping pe jane ka soch raha tha... wife: me mazaq kar rahi thi... :-) husband: mai bhi mazaq kar raha tha. chal uth k roti paka...

Machli jal ki raani hai.. no no somthng should be new... ... ... ... ... biwi dil ki raani hai, paisa mera paani hai, haath lagao chilaayegi,.. shopping karao khil jaayegi......

Kisi mahapurush ne kaha hai.. ladkiyon ki aadhi zindagi husband ki "talash" me.. aur baaki aadhi.. husband ki "talaashi" me guzar jati hai.. ?????? via funstream

Light chali gai tou pathan nai wife sai kaha : ”pankha chala do “ wife: ”kar de na pathanoon wale baat pankha chalay ga tou moom batti nai bujh jai ge”

Wife :if i knew you were so poor i would never have married you husband: but i kept telling you that you are the most precious thing i have

Husbnd: kya tumne mujhe kutta kaha? no answer husbnd again asks, no answer then again he asks, wife: nahi kaha. plz ab bhoka na bandh karo.