BLONDES JOKES AND CHUTKULE

Blonde: do you have any children?
man: yes, i have one that's just under two.
blonde: i may be blonde, but i know how many one is!

A blonde to a pharmacist:
do you have any oralgesics? the analgesics don't seem to work!

A blonde woman visits her husband in prison. before leaving, she tells an officer:
"you shouldn't make my husband work like that. he's exhausted!"

the officer laughs, saying: are you kidding? he just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!"
"bullshit! he just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

Q: why did the blonde call the welfare office?
a: she wanted to know how to cook food stamps.

What's a blonde's idea of natural childbirth?
no make-up.

Q: what did the blonde driver say when she ran out of gas?
a: will it hurt the car if i drive with an empty tank?

What did a blonde do when she read a notice in the public conveniences saying "don't put anything down the toilet but toilet paper?"
she sat on the floor!

Q: how do you get a blonde out of a tree?
a: wave.

Q:why did the blonde go outside with her purse open?
a:she had heard there was going to be some change in the weather!

How did the blonde hurt herself raking leaves?
she fell out of the tree!

A blonde is out walking along a river one day when she sees another blonde on the opposite bank. she shouts "woohoo, how do i get to the other side?"
the second blonde looks up and down the river and replies, "you are on the other side".

A person told his blonde friend, "christmas is on a friday this year."
the blonde guy then said, "let's hope it's not the 13th!"

Why do blondes have more fun?
they're easier to find in the dark!

Q: why did the blonde move to la?
a: it was easier to spell!

A police officer stopped a car and asked the blonde driver,
"can you identify yourself, madam?"
the blonde pulls out her mirror and says, "yes, it's me!"

Q: what's brown, red, black and blue?
a: a brunette who told one too many blonde jokes.

Police officer: didn't you see that you broke the speed limit?
blonde: i am sorry, officer; but i can fix it for you.
police officer: how can it be fixed?
blonde: that's what i was going to ask you!

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company.
he wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
the blonde quickly responded, "the living one."

Cashier: strip down, facing me.
the blonde quickly stripped down.
cashier: ma'm, not you but your credit card?

Q: why did the blonde nurse go to an art school?
a: to learn how to draw blood!

The husband came home and caught his blonde wife reading his diary. she angrily shouted, "who the f**k are april, may and june?"

A blonde went to cash a cheque that she got from her husband.
the bank cashier asked her to endorse it.
so she wrote on the back, "my husband is a wonderful person"!

Did you hear about the blonde who got locked in the bathroom? she was in there so long, she peed her pants!

Blonde: i get a terrible pain in my eye whenever i drink a cup of coffee.
doctor: try taking the spoon out.

I told my blonde girlfriend i was going skeet shooting. she said she didn't know how to cook them.

Did you hear about the blonde who decided to bake a birthday cake? the candles melted in the oven.

"mum", said the son to his ageing blonde mother, "when you go, do you want to be buried or cremated?"
"i don't mind", replied the mother. "surprise me!"

A man finds his blonde wife propping up their washing machine on one side with two bricks.
man: what are you doing?
wife: washing at 30 degrees.

What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business?
no mind;
no business.

Traffic cop: didn't you see the 30 m.p.h. sign?
blond: no, officer, i was going too fast to see it.