ENGLISH JOKES AND CHUTKULE

Aik murghi ka kawway se rishta ho gaya, . jab murghay ko pata chala, to wo murghi k paas gaya or bola: . mujh men kya kami hai? smart hoon, kawway se zyada khoobsurat hun, tumhari biradari ka hun, meri awaz pooray sheher men goonjti hai. murghon ki union ka president hun” .

Nigaahain aaj bhi us shakhs ko talash karti hain faraz, jis ne kaha tha bass “matric” karlo agey parhai asaan hai..

Mohabaat mein dil torne ke liye itna he kafi hai faraz.. . ap ka matluba number dosri line pr masruf hai

Wife: u had lunch? husbnd : u had lunch? wife : im asking u. husbnd : im asking u. wife: u copying me? husbnd: u copying me? wife: lets go shopping.. husbnd: i had lunch. hubwife

Aik pathab ne veena malik se masjid ka chanda manga. veena : ap log to kehte hen k mera paisa naapak hai? pathan : tumhary paison se hum bathroom banaey gy..;-)

Pathan ko 1 lawaris bandar mila. wo ussay police station le gaya inspector ne kaha issay zoo le jao agly roz inspector ne pathan ko bandar k saath bus stop per deekha. inspector: issy zoo nahi le kar gy? pathan: kal gaye thy khob ghoome bara maza aya aaj minar-e-pakistan ja rahy hain

Maalik: tum bathroom mein kiun ghus aaye ho, kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon? . . naukar: janab ghalti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hain. oooppsss

Shadi par rukhsti k waqt dulhan rone lagi. ose dekh kar dulha bhi rone laga. admin dulha se: ode te maa piyu chhut rae ne, o te ais lai rondi ae,tu q ronda ain? dulha:ene mere v chhurwa dene ne..

Mein din bhar kuch nahin karta, mein araam karta hoon, woh apna kaam karte hain, mein apna kaam karta hoon..

Main apne ghar geya tha woh jab apne ghar gayi, phir mujh ko kya khabar ke wahan se kidhar gayi..

Q: what was shark elvis's biggest hit? a: you ain't nothin' but a houndshark

Wife:-q.ji, roz subah, mere chehre pe pani q dalte ho. pati:-tere baap ne kaha tha, ke meri beti phool ki tarha hai. ise murjhane mat dena, isliye subh pani deta hu.

Wada na karo agar tum nibha nasako, chaho na usko jise tum pa nasako, dost to duniya mein bahut hotehai, par ek khas rakho jiske bina tummuskura na sako

Dhoka mila jab pyar main, zindagi mein udaasi chaa gayi, socha tha chorr dain is raah ko, kambhakht mohalley mein dusri agayi..

Phoolon mai tum khayalon mai tum dil main tum baghon main tum sapnon main tum yaadon main tum 0 tussi ghar v benday o ke phirday e rehnday o.

A man’s feeling :…. . . “it feels like a mini heart attack when i dont find my mobile in my pocket .. . . . & its almost like heart fail when i see it in my girlfriend’s hand !

Sir: ager tum 1jungle mein ho or wahan sheir aa jaye to tum kya karo ge? boy: main darakht per charhon ga sir: ager wo sheir darkhat per b aa jaye to? boy: main pani mein kood jaun ga sir: ager wo pani mein b aa jaye to? . . . boy: ustad g.. sheir nal pen viyai hai jo odi side le rae o…

Girl: main aese boy se shadi kron gi jis ka business bohut oncha ho= pthan: mujh se kar lo main meenar-e-pakistan k opar naswar bechta -hon.. :)

1st friend: yaar agar pathan ko masroof krna ho to kia krna chahiye? 2nd friend: usko gol kamre main bhej kar kaho konay main beth jao.

Wife: our wall clock almost killed my mum. it fell two seconds after she got up from the couch! husband: damn, i knew the clock was slow

Brilliant minds pathan aur sardar pani peeny gaey. to wahan glass ulta para tha . sardar, iska to moo he band hy . pathan , neechy sy bhi toota hua hy.

Manager to pathan: you are appointed for job. your salary is rs.30,000/. next year it will be rs.50,000/. pathan: ok! i will join next year:

Pathan ko msg aya: ‘kya aap imran khan k saath hain?’ pathan ne reply kia: nahi main ghar per hun akela, koi kaam tha kya ? …

Dharkan ruk gai meri to,,, ye sunn kar faraz jab light gai aur kaam wali maasi ne kaha “what the hell is this”;-)

Larka larki se: you are beutiful. larki: you are too.. pas sy ek aadmi guzra aur bola: farig ho kr dono nazar chek krwao.

Sardar in coffee shop with wife sardar: jaldi pi, thandi ho jaye gi. wife: fer ki hoye ga sardar: anni diay rate list waikh hot coffee rs.15 cold coffee rs.45

Teacher pappu se puchhta hai. teacher: “tumhare papa kya karte hai?” pappu: “sir, wo roz galiyaan khaate hai” teacher: “kya matlab hai tumahara?” pappu: “ji, wo customer care executive hai“

Q: who was the politcally saavy shark's favorite newsweek reporter? a: fareed sharkaria

Wife: i m nt feeling well..! :( .. .. .. .. husband: ohho i was thinking to go for dinner? wife: i was joking dear .. .. .. husband: me too, chal uth roti bana..!! :d :d

When a girl is in her mayka, she stays like a rani, jab shaadi hokar jati hai toh laxmi kehlati hai, aur sasural me kaam karte-karte bai ban jaati hai, is tarah ladkiya rani-laxmi-bai ban jati hai!!